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    <lastmod>2025-11-30</lastmod>
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    <lastmod>2024-08-04</lastmod>
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      <image:title>The Newsletter - 10 Ways to Take Radical Responsibility for Your Life</image:title>
      <image:caption>❌ "My son needs to cut his hair if he wants a good job." "My teammate never gets it right; I have to walk her through every step." "Achievement is the only thing that matters." ✅ "My son's hair and its impact on his life is his own business." "My teammate will figure it out on her own time... or face her own consequences." "Achievement is the only thing that matters for me." 5. Filter for present-moment thinking; don't get mentally stuck in the past (you can't change it) or focus on the future (it's impossible to predict.) ❌ "I can't get over what my friend said at the party." "Let's play out the 100+ possible outcomes of this." ✅ "I'll share how I feel and what I need with my friend and move on." "I've made the best choice I can with the information I have."</image:caption>
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      <image:caption>❌ "I've had a terrible day so I'm going to pick a fight with my partner." "I'm afraid of who might judge me if I was to share on social media." ✅ "I need some alone time to process what happened today." "It makes sense that I'm scared, but when I look at the evidence it's unlikely that anything bad will happen and if it does I can handle it." 9. Practice self-compassion: treat yourself with kindness and grace, set realistic standards, and recognize that to err is human. ❌ "I'm a failure because I didn't get this job." "I need to have 100 beautiful slides to back up the presentation I'm doing tomorrow." "I'm not very good at guitar so I won't play." ✅ "I'm disappointed that I didn't get his job; anyone would be." "I'll do the presentation with just notes; I don't need to go the extra mile all the time." "I'm not very good at guitar but I enjoy and that's enough."</image:caption>
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    <loc>https://www.vandcocoaching.com/the-newsletter/stuck-in-overdrive</loc>
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    <lastmod>2024-07-27</lastmod>
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      <image:title>The Newsletter - What’s the 10-10-10 Rule? - Download a Workbook</image:title>
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      <image:title>The Newsletter - What’s the 10-10-10 Rule? - 7 Secrets to Work That Matters</image:title>
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  </url>
  <url>
    <loc>https://www.vandcocoaching.com/the-newsletter/when-the-golden-rule-isnt-solid-gold-and-what-to-use-instead</loc>
    <changefreq>monthly</changefreq>
    <priority>0.5</priority>
    <lastmod>2024-07-27</lastmod>
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      <image:title>The Newsletter - When the Golden Rule Isn’t Solid Gold… and What to Use Instead - Enter The Platinum Rule</image:title>
      <image:caption>As it turns out, my hot take is pretty… lukewarm.  As I did some research on this topic I'm just a little disappointed that I'm not breaking new ground. In fact, I learned about the Platinum Rule that someone so beautifully restated as, “Do unto others as they have explicitly informed you that they want done unto themselves.” Here’s the new rule of thumb: if you know someone well enough to ask them how they would like to be treated, do that. If not, start with the general barometer of treating them how you (or experience tells you someone like this) would like to be treated.</image:caption>
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  <url>
    <loc>https://www.vandcocoaching.com/the-newsletter/the-three-choices-framework</loc>
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    <lastmod>2024-07-27</lastmod>
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      <image:title>The Newsletter - You Have Only Three Realistic Choices - Make it stand out</image:title>
      <image:caption>Whatever it is, the way you tell your story online can make all the difference.</image:caption>
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      <image:title>The Newsletter - You Have Only Three Realistic Choices - 7 Secrets of Work That Matters</image:title>
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  <url>
    <loc>https://www.vandcocoaching.com/the-newsletter/how-to-build-self-trust</loc>
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    <lastmod>2024-07-27</lastmod>
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      <image:title>The Newsletter - How to Build Self-trust</image:title>
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      <image:title>The Newsletter - How to Build Self-trust - 7 Secrets of Work That Matters</image:title>
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  <url>
    <loc>https://www.vandcocoaching.com/the-newsletter/outcome-based-vs-process-based-goals</loc>
    <changefreq>monthly</changefreq>
    <priority>0.5</priority>
    <lastmod>2024-07-27</lastmod>
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      <image:title>The Newsletter - Outcome-based vs. Process-based Goals - Make it stand out</image:title>
      <image:caption>PS: if you're excited about setting goals for the new year, check out my deep goal-setting approach here.</image:caption>
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      <image:title>The Newsletter - Outcome-based vs. Process-based Goals - 7 Secrets to Work That Matters</image:title>
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  <url>
    <loc>https://www.vandcocoaching.com/the-newsletter/shoulding-yourself</loc>
    <changefreq>monthly</changefreq>
    <priority>0.5</priority>
    <lastmod>2023-12-24</lastmod>
    <image:image>
      <image:loc>https://images.squarespace-cdn.com/content/v1/5f960514ad64315671f581a2/d29c155d-c767-475e-b21f-291ff7a5448f/Should-ing+Yourself</image:loc>
      <image:title>The Newsletter - Should-ing Yourself - "I should respond to emails faster" "I should meditate more" “I should be rich/better employed by now"</image:title>
      <image:caption>There is nothing wrong with wanting any of these things... but when a "should" is attached to it, you may want to consider it as a warning sign ⚠️ In my case, I tend to Should Myself when I let my striver self assign a less-than-totally-necessary task or assignment. For example, "I should really write another webinar" is an expectation I place on myself that feels, literally, like a weight on my shoulders — and my upper back and shoulders tighten up like crazy when I think about it. For me, this kind of Should is my clingiest old message living large: hard work = success / my value is based on my output. So I hear you saying, "but what if, Vanessa, you really should write another webinar? What if it turns out to be an important next step in your business?"  The fact of the matter is, we can't predict the future so it's impossible to know. The intention behind writing another webinar is to grow my business, which arguably I can also be doing in a zillion other ways that I want to and enjoy doing.</image:caption>
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      <image:title>The Newsletter - Should-ing Yourself - I have a "should" - now what?</image:title>
      <image:caption>GET CURIOUS Ask yourself: "Am I doing this because I want to or because I think I should?" If it's a Should then ask, "Why do I believe I should?" and/or "What do I fear will happen if I don't do it?"  The simple practice of paying attention to our Shoulds and questioning them will open up new awareness and possibilities.  I will caveat this by saying, though this sounds simple, it's not easy. Should-ing Yourself is a great trick to keep yourself feeling safe — follow these Should rules and things will turn out fine! It takes some willingness to get vulnerable and start looking at things you've possibly long held as true. It's normal for trepidation of "opening Pandora's box" to be present as you start to get curious.</image:caption>
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      <image:title>The Newsletter - Should-ing Yourself - 7 Secrets to Work That Matters</image:title>
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  <url>
    <loc>https://www.vandcocoaching.com/the-newsletter/the-second-arrow</loc>
    <changefreq>monthly</changefreq>
    <priority>0.5</priority>
    <lastmod>2024-07-27</lastmod>
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      <image:loc>https://images.squarespace-cdn.com/content/v1/5f960514ad64315671f581a2/1634050768633-4BH43RFG3AGXHUJU2M0C/The+Monk+Story+-+Why+Are+You+Still+Carrying+Her</image:loc>
      <image:title>The Newsletter - The Second Arrow ➼ ➼</image:title>
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      <image:loc>https://images.squarespace-cdn.com/content/v1/5f960514ad64315671f581a2/1634050985581-SG707T2SEI12LUG2EQ3B/Emotions+-+what+to+do+and+not+do+with+them</image:loc>
      <image:title>The Newsletter - The Second Arrow ➼ ➼</image:title>
      <image:caption>So what DO we do with all these emotions that accompany the first arrow?  In our society there's an expectation that we're strong enough to be able to turn our emotions off, tone them down. or ignore them. Sadly, this isn't helpful advice. A large body of psychological research suggests that when we attempt to control or avoid our feelings and thoughts, we can experience even greater emotional suffering. This is my own personal extrapolation, but I wonder if this is why there's so much chronic anxiety and physical manifestations of anxiety today. (Heart disease is the #1 cause death in the US.)</image:caption>
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      <image:title>The Newsletter - The Second Arrow ➼ ➼ - 7 Secrets to Work That Matters</image:title>
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  <url>
    <loc>https://www.vandcocoaching.com/the-newsletter/navigating-tough-feedback-a-career-reflection</loc>
    <changefreq>monthly</changefreq>
    <priority>0.5</priority>
    <lastmod>2024-07-27</lastmod>
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      <image:title>The Newsletter - Navigating Tough Feedback: A Career Reflection</image:title>
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      <image:title>The Newsletter - Navigating Tough Feedback: A Career Reflection</image:title>
      <image:caption>7 Secrets to Work That Matters</image:caption>
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  <url>
    <loc>https://www.vandcocoaching.com/the-newsletter/what-is-rubber-ducking</loc>
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    <priority>0.5</priority>
    <lastmod>2024-07-27</lastmod>
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      <image:title>The Newsletter - What Is “Rubber Ducking?” - Make it stand out</image:title>
      <image:caption>Whatever it is, the way you tell your story online can make all the difference.</image:caption>
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      <image:title>The Newsletter - What Is “Rubber Ducking?”</image:title>
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      <image:title>The Newsletter - What Is “Rubber Ducking?”</image:title>
      <image:caption>7 Secrets to Work That Matters</image:caption>
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  <url>
    <loc>https://www.vandcocoaching.com/the-newsletter/assertive-doesnt-mean-being-an-ass</loc>
    <changefreq>monthly</changefreq>
    <priority>0.5</priority>
    <lastmod>2023-09-22</lastmod>
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      <image:title>The Newsletter - Assertive Doesn't Mean Being an ss</image:title>
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      <image:title>The Newsletter - Assertive Doesn't Mean Being an ss</image:title>
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      <image:title>The Newsletter - Assertive Doesn't Mean Being an ss</image:title>
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  <url>
    <loc>https://www.vandcocoaching.com/the-newsletter/how-to-find-the-right-coach-for-you</loc>
    <changefreq>monthly</changefreq>
    <priority>0.5</priority>
    <lastmod>2023-12-26</lastmod>
    <image:image>
      <image:loc>https://images.squarespace-cdn.com/content/v1/5f960514ad64315671f581a2/1628781277976-FPST6UWPLKODEK7IJH8I/How+to+find+the+right+coach+for+you</image:loc>
      <image:title>The Newsletter - How to Find the Right Coach for You - A few Q’s to ask:</image:title>
      <image:caption>➡️ Certifications and training - do they have a certification from an accredited coaching program? Do they hold a credential from the ICF (International Coaching Federation)? Do they take part in ongoing, rigorous training? ➡️ Personal fit &amp; chemistry - do you LIKE this person? Do you trust them? Do they deeply understand your challenge? Do they have experience working with clients with similar challenges? What does your bullsh*t meter say? Tell them what you are most afraid of, in terms of both process and results and listen carefully to how they reply. Evidence shows that trust between coach and coachee is the number one predictor of positive results. ➡️ Logistics - costs, program details, availability. What do you get for the investment? ➡️ Walk the talk - do they have their own coach? What sort of personal growth have they experienced? What challenges have they overcome in their own lives? Is this a career they are committed to, or just a side hustle?</image:caption>
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  </url>
  <url>
    <loc>https://www.vandcocoaching.com/the-newsletter/common-misconceptions-about-imposter-syndrome</loc>
    <changefreq>monthly</changefreq>
    <priority>0.5</priority>
    <lastmod>2023-01-15</lastmod>
    <image:image>
      <image:loc>https://images.squarespace-cdn.com/content/v1/5f960514ad64315671f581a2/1628532246372-IGW3C3NUWE0M4D5J0RWO/Common+Misconceptions+About+Imposter+Syndrome</image:loc>
      <image:title>The Newsletter - Common Misconceptions About Imposter Syndrome - Other misperceptions about imposter syndrome and self-doubt include:</image:title>
      <image:caption>Work hard and we'll be rewarded. Women report feeling like they overcompensate for lack of confidence with hard work &amp; over-preparation. Keeping our heads down and working hard will not help — we can only stop this cycle if we devote time and energy to thinking differently about what to do. We'll feel confident with more experience &amp; skills. Late-career women have similar levels of self-doubt as early-career women — despite the vast difference in skills, tools, and knowledge that comes with experience. Don't wait until you get your next skill, credential, or experience: develop your confidence now. Once I learn my "market value" I'll be able to speak to it. A thought trap. There is no such thing as objective market value — we all are wildly original and unique. You can't put a price on something that's inherently priceless. A mentor will save me. Mentors are great and can be very helpful for sharing their lived wisdom and experiences. However, you're the only one who can know what's right FOR YOU.</image:caption>
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      <image:loc>https://images.squarespace-cdn.com/content/v1/5f960514ad64315671f581a2/1626125277544-RY9GJ35TWODIZJUTN4J5/Copy+of+The+Results+are+iin%21+%283%29.png</image:loc>
      <image:title>The Newsletter - Common Misconceptions About Imposter Syndrome</image:title>
      <image:caption>Hear what 100+ talented women had to say about how imposter syndrome, self-doubt and lack of confidence show up for them at work Learn useful strategies — and some common misconceptions — to help defeat self-doubt and the negative thought cycle. Also included is a TON of peer advice and a robust list of resources so you can start your own journey to uncaged confidence. Download Imposter Syndrome &amp; Self-Confidence: A Survey of 100 Talented Women.</image:caption>
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